Working as a full time doctor in the NHS and parenthood

Before I start, I want to dedicate this blog post to my pillar of support - my wife: Tayyaba Aizaz without whom I would not be at this stage.

I am a trainee registrar in acute internal medicine. I came with my wife in January, 2016 and started as a non trainee SHO. 

I got a job as a core medical trainee ( Now replaced by IMT) in my deanery of choice and joined in August, 2017. 

We had a daughter when I was a core medical trainee year 1. 

I got 2 weeks off as paternity leave. 

Luckily, our families were here so they supported us a lot. 

I am now a ST5 trainee in acute internal medicine and I have been looking back at all these 3 years - my daughter is growing up fast! She is going to pre-school and will be starting school from next year. My focus in life is to ensure I spend the maximum time with her, no matter what. 

And although my specialty seems to be very tough, it is not. 

My work hours are usually 0900 to 1700 /0800 to 1600 and on calls which are not a lot ( with on calls every 3 to 4 weeks). 

My rota is attached below:

Key:
Orange days- days off, zero days 
Circled days- annual leave, study leave 
Green days - nights
Yellow days - long calls 

Black dots - locums ( 0800 to 1600/1700) 

On my nights:
1. I come home at around 0830-0900 AM, at that time my daughter is playing around in her room. I take a quick shower and play around with her for 30 minutes or so. 

2. I wake up at 1730 ( some times even 1700) and play with her till 1900. 

Unfortunately, I do not get to see her a lot on my long days. So we talk on the phone if she gets very distressed. 

On regular days/ on my locum days - I still get to wake up with her, play with her for a few minutes and then get to spend a good 3 to 4 hours before she goes to bed. 

And this is what I love about my job! I get to spend time with my daughter. I read to her almost every night, I see her on a regular basis and I have enjoyed her growing up and being there for her. 

At this moment, nothing else matters. No extra qualification/clinical work will help - what we ( my family and I) need is me, being there for her and for my wife.

This sort of work-life balance helps me a lot. 

                                                So what helped:

As a SHO 
We planned our baby in such a way that I had already given my MRCP 2. I had only my PACES to give and I spent plenty of time with my daughter instead of being glued to question banks on the screen/reading books. 
We were residing in Harrogate at that time, which at that time ( and I am sure, currently), has one of the best maternity service in the UK. 

As a registrar 
I choose the specialty which I felt was right for me:
https://omarsguidelines.blogspot.com/2020/05/why-i-went-for-acute-internal-medicine.html

PS: I am not saying that everyone should choose this specialty. You should do what you think is best for you as mentioned here:
https://omarsguidelines.blogspot.com/2018/12/what-is-best-specialty-for-me.html
1. No clinics 

2. No procedures to chase out of hours ( in some specialties you have to meet a minimum procedure requirement by the end of every year, for which you may need to stay in late/come in on your annual leave-  most supervisors are very supportive however it can be a struggle to meet the minimum numbers) 
3. I love my job - I come home happy and fresh. 

4. I do everything at work - from QIPs to preparing for teaching sessions. I try to not open my laptop for work related stuff at home. 

My wife:
May I just clarify that I have not forced this upon her, but she has willingly decided not to work as she wants to give her undivided attention to our daughter.

We have the option of working less than full time ( ie I do 3 days a week and she does the other 2- or vice versa) however she feels she wants to start work as a full time doctor in a few years time. 

This way, our daughter gets undivided attention and it clearly shows in her personality

PS- I have also met parents who work full time and they have amazing children so please do not make this stop you from working. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things. 

Nursery:
Luckily, we live just a 2 minute walk from a nursery which has very good rating. 
We started nursery when we moved to Beverley ( when she was 2 and a half) and is now about to go 3 days a week from 0900 to 1400. 

The carers there are lovely and we can see her mature socially.

Neighbors and accommodation:
A good neighborhood is very important. The accommodation we live in is a 3 bed house with garden and garage and was recently built. So it is clean and has plenty of space for our daughter to run around and play. Our neighbors are very friendly and most families on this estate have kids her age so she gets to interact with them on a regular basis. 

Family:

Our families have long term visit visas and hence visit on a regular basis and support us. Our daughter is very close to them and this has helped in her development. 

Ensuring that they have always had valid visit visas to the UK has helped a lot. 

                              A doctors life in my home country

Unfortunately, it can be a struggle to have a decent work life balance from where I come from. 

I remember my fathers routine - who is now a consultant gastroenterologist:
Leave home at 0730 AM 

Get to work at 0800 AM ( Government hospital)
Leave work at 1500 
Come home, eat and nap for an hour. 

Leave for clinic at 1800 ( unfortunately you cannot earn a lot from government hospital jobs) 

Come home at midnight or even 0100 AM 

On Fridays, he used to come home at 1230 PM and then go to clinic at 1800.

He used to work in hospital on Saturday from 0800 to 1500 and was off from clinic on Saturday and Sunday. A lot of consultants also worked on these days. 

He did this so that we could have a good education, afford trips abroad and have a nice lifestyle. 

He worked really hard.

It is shame that doctors there have so little time with their children but on the upside, you have more support like families, nannies and friends which most IMGs struggle with in the UK. 

There are pros and cons of each country but as a father, I definitely feel I can spend more time with my daughter than I could if I was back home.  

 So- is it worth coming to the UK and working here as a junior doctor ?

Absolutely! I feel we are well settled, we have a good life and I am 3 years from becoming a consultant. I get to locum and save enough. Despite all that, I get a reasonable time off to spend with my daughter. I have been in the UK for more than 5 years now and I feel this is completely worth it.

PS:

I do not intend to offend single parents, anyone who is struggling in the UK or back home. Please do not think that I am mocking your situation in any way. We all have our struggles and if there is anything I can help with, please let me know.