How to pull yourself up when you fail

As international medical graduates, we get very upset when we fail exams. Some fail their  MRCP exams, GP exams, MRCS, ALS courses, etc.

Here are a few reasons behind this:
1. It is a cultural thing. Our families have always expected us to get straight A's from the day we gave our first exam/test/ had our first assessment. They wanted us to be the best - they did not mean any harm but this is how the culture in our home countries is like. I am sure you have seen the memes for Asian dads expecting 100% even if it was a gym class.
2. Sailing through medical school and thus having high expectations from ourselves. This is something which you can self treat. Give yourself a break. You are human.
3. Other factors - The amazing weather in winter and the fact that you are away from your family does not help.

So, what is the solution to this then?
1. Talk to your supervisors. When I failed my PACES, I went to work the following day and informed the team of consultants and once of them asked this:
"Raise your hands if you passed your PACES in the first attempt" - None of them raised their hands.
How many of you passed it in the second attempt: One consultant raised his hand
How many of you passed it in the third attempt: 2 consultants raised their hands.
How many of you passed it in the fourth attempt: One consultant did- And out of the whole lot, she is the youngest. most supportive, has the most qualifications ( research, QIPs, conference presentations) and is the most energetic.
The consultants here will support you a lot. They have been through the same and you will be surprised at how many attempts they have given. You need to approach them for help though. They always give helpful advice.

2. Look at British medical graduates.
They take things easy- they took a year off after medical school and explored the world, they took a year or 2 off after foundation training and again explored the world, did locums and enjoyed.
They worked in all sorts of specialties, gave exams ( some half heatedly) but overall, enjoyed a lot.
As IMGs this is what we have done:
- Worked hard in medical school
- Applied for our one year internship ( house job AKA FY1) in our home countries and worked extremely hard.
- Gave IELTS, PLAB 1 and PLAB 2 ( some during our housejob and some after it)
- Then came to the UK and started our job.
Now ask yourself - have you given yourself a break? Even when you were not working, you have worried yourself to death - remember than flight to London for the first time ( when appearing for PLAB 2 ) - I am sure this is what was going through your mind: Will I pass? Will I get a job? My parents have spend so much money on me - will I be able to repay them?
These concerns are quite genuine and of course, you cannot ignore them. But at the same time, it is important to realize how much stressed you have been for the initial part of your career.

3. Go through these blogs:
The pursuit of happiness for an IMG in the UK:
http://omarsguidelines.blogspot.co.uk/2017/11/the-pursuit-of-happiness-in-uk-for-img.html
My advice to doctors who worry unnecessarily:
http://omarsguidelines.blogspot.co.uk/2017/12/my-advice-to-doctors-who-get-nervous.html

FAQS:
I am working in the NHS and have just failed my exam. I am very depressed. 

I can understand how hard it is for you. However rest assured that you are not alone in this, ask around and you will be surprised how many people fail - and usually it is the brightest and the most supportive doctors who have failed the most.

This is what you should do:
1. Talk to your supervisor - (s)he will assure you and you realize how many times (s)he failed his/her exams.
2. Give yourself a break - do not think about this. Everyone fails at some point. You are an amazing doctor. You have worked very hard. You deserve a good break.

How should I give myself a break?

Search on Google for what you always wanted to do - A warm sunny beach , driving in a sports car in the hills of Italy, skydiving, hot air balloon riding, safaris - whatever you fancy.
And book a trip. Arrange your annual leaves and swap on calls if necessary. Check for hotels online and get a plane ticket once your leave is sorted out.
Plan you trip yourself and explore the lovely outside world which you always wanted to.

But I cannot. I am in my last year of training and I do not have time. 

Trust me - you have plenty of time. A four or five day break will not do any harm. You will come back refreshed and would be ready to take on any challenge.

I do not have any money. 

You have a bank account. And you have a credit card. Use it! This is what it is for! When you come back do one or 2 locums and you will be back to what you were before. You will also realize that holidays are not very expensive. Ask your nursing colleagues on tips - they have amazing ways of budgeting their trips and enjoy loads.

I miss my family :( 

Aww - we all do. I understand that you would feel like you may want to go home. You can do this as well but I personally find visiting a new place all alone ( or with your family) more therapeutic. You can consider visiting your home country in this trip ( if you can manage to get a longer leave) or arranging another trip back home at a later date.
Another thing you must do is to invite your family here - they will be extremely proud of how you manage everything on your own, how hard you work and how you have changed ( in a positive way). They will also get to see this country and enjoy it. You will get to enjoy their company and I would definitely prefer your family coming here to visit you rather than you going to your home country if they are well enough to travel.

How can I arrange a visit for my family?

Family visitor visa for the UK guidelines
http://omarsguidelines.blogspot.com/2015/07/family-visitor-visa-for-uk-guidelines.html
Applying for a family visit visa for your family while working in the UK
http://omarsguidelines.blogspot.co.uk/2017/07/applying-for-family-visit-visa-for-your.html

When should I sit for my exam?

Whenever you feel ready for it. For written exams, it is best to sit for them in the next diet ( ONLY if you are up for it) as the knowledge is still fresh. Some doctors do the same for clinical exams as well. 

THE BOTTOM LINE:

Failing exams and then learning how to pull yourself up actually teaches you a lot of lessons in life- you start applying it to small things in your daily routine. You learn positivity, understand the importance of giving yourself and break and it actually prevents major failures in the long run. 

You think you are are all alone and think you do not have have support but you do- You have an amazing system ( your work place, your family in your home country whom you can still communicate with, your colleagues ) to help you get through this. All you have to do is stop bogging yourself down and give yourself a break.

You are an amazing doctor and no one has the right to think any different - not even yourself!
So smile, enjoy yourself and get back to it. Never ever give up! Look around you and learn from others - you are not alone in this. 

Take care of your mental health - no exam or qualification is more important than this.
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Also join this group if you are working in the NHS:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1215686978446877/