Life with a newborn in the UK
This blog is all about post delivery care of your baby. The feeling of the addition of another member in your family hits you when you come home with your baby. However this journey can be very easy (and enjoyable) if you pre-plan this.
Things to pre-plan before the delivery:
1. Have some additional person to help around. It will be tough for the mother initially, especially if she has had a C section. In order to do this, you need to plan in advance and get a visa for whoever you want to be with you through this (it is usually the female parents mother who has been through all of this and the female partner will be more comfortable with her). It is best that the additional person stays for at least a few weeks.
2. Get the major shopping out of the way when the female partner is able to walk comfortably ( ie usually at the beginning of the 3rd trimester). You may have made a list of things to get but you realize that you need so many other things when you go to the store.
3. Cook food and store it in the freezer beforehand ( ie before going to the hospital for delivery). When you come home, there are a lot of things to do and even with additional help, it can be difficult to manage if you have to cook on top of all that.
4. Book your paternal/maternity leaves beforehand. Usually doctors let the HR know as soon as they have had the dating scan. You need a MAT B1 form for that which the midwife can explain about.
Coming home with the baby:
Documents
1. Get the birth certificate made ASAP - you may have to book an appointment for this in advance. Get extra copies ( at least 5). You will have to submit a copy to register with the GP, for visas, nurseries, schooling, etc. Some of these may require original copies. I booked an appointment on the 6th day of my baby's birth.
Going out on a drive:
All of the above PLUS the car seat. This is part of a travel system and this can help immensely. When I take my baby for a drive, I carry her in the car seat to the car and then connect the seat to the seat base. I also take the carry cot with me as newborns may find it uncomfortable to sit in the car seat for long periods ( it is also risky).
When we reach our destination, I connect the carry cot to the pram chassis and put the baby in it.
Places to visit on your first drive:
1. Shopping malls. All malls ( and service stations) have baby changing areas. Some even have bottle warmers.
2. Mothercare - This is will be every parents place to visit, at least twice every month.
3. Exploring nearby tourist spots like gardens, museums, etc.
After one or 2 outings, you will easily be able to handle everything. It may seem daunting initially but you will get used to it. My advice would be to ask your midwife and go out ASAP especially if it is spring. Slowly you will be back to your usual "explorer" self and will have loads of fun.
Getting used to the " new routine"
Initially, this will feel like a lot of work. But slowly you will get used to it. For example, if the baby wants to burp, is crying and you have to study, try the tummy time technique. One of your hands will be free and you can easily study.
If you are crazy like me and like cleaning your house every second day, you will have to get used to the fact that you cannot vacuum in the daytime when the baby is asleep. But with time, you will learn that when the baby is awake and is busy with the other partner, you can quickly do this.
You will feel that time passes really quickly. You will feel tired but it gets better as time passes.
Planning is very important, a third person who has been through this before can make a huge difference- from teaching the new mother on how to give a bath to assuring the father that he will not drop the baby. Eventually the help will leave but by then you will be well settled in your routine.
Feeding:
This is a very controversial topic. Some people start weaning off breast feeding in 6 months, some start with formula feed from day one. You should do whatever you feel comfortable with.
The best way to wean off is to do is very gradually - for example if your baby has 5 bottles of breast milk per day, then start with 1 bottle of formula feed and continue with 4 bottles of breast feed. Do this for a week and then introduce 2 bottles of formula feed and so on.
Please do not be pressurized by anyone to breast feed. You are your own boss and no one can force you! So do whatever you are comfortable with.
The best formula feed we used is:
https://www.hipp.co.uk/formula-milks/formula-milk-products/first-infant-milk/
We use the powder version.
We use this to make the feed:
https://www.mothercare.com/accessories/tommee-tippee-closer-to-nature-perfect-prep-machine/LD2600.html
Our baby did really well on formula feed and we are supported by the midwives and our GP.
We introduced mashed feeding at 6 months - this what we did:
Morning meal - Rice cereal or porridge
https://www.boots.com/baby-child/babyfeeding/baby-food-weaning/cereals#We only tried the boots products.
Mid day and night meals (with water in a bottle):
Mashed potatoes, peas or carrots. A few recipes are mentioned in this book:
https://www.boots.com/ellas-kitchen-mini-edition-first-foods-book-10200705
We supplemented this with bottle feeding as well.
Socializing:
My wife found this very interesting article which is a must read for IMG parents:https://www.mother.ly/life/in-the-absence-of-the-village-mothers-struggle-most?
As your baby grows older, you will want him/her to meet other young kids. We found some excellent places after talking to the health visitors:
1. Church groups - You do not need to be a Christian to go to such groups. They allow all ethnic groups and the people are extremely friendly and nice. My daughter goes there at least twice a week.
2. Local play groups. The health visitors have a lot of knowledge about other play groups which are held in local schools and community centers. Some are paid however most of them are free of charge.
Even if they are free, it is common courtesy to donate a small amount of money once a month to whatever free group you attend ( there is always an option and you can talk to the organizers - especially church groups).
You can also search for baby play groups in your area on Google. There is always one running once or twice a week in the local library as well.
My wife and I notice a marked change in our baby's social skills and development when we started taking her to the groups. Now she goes to three groups a week. My wife has made some amazing friends who give excellent advice.
Things to pre-plan before the delivery:
1. Have some additional person to help around. It will be tough for the mother initially, especially if she has had a C section. In order to do this, you need to plan in advance and get a visa for whoever you want to be with you through this (it is usually the female parents mother who has been through all of this and the female partner will be more comfortable with her). It is best that the additional person stays for at least a few weeks.
2. Get the major shopping out of the way when the female partner is able to walk comfortably ( ie usually at the beginning of the 3rd trimester). You may have made a list of things to get but you realize that you need so many other things when you go to the store.
3. Cook food and store it in the freezer beforehand ( ie before going to the hospital for delivery). When you come home, there are a lot of things to do and even with additional help, it can be difficult to manage if you have to cook on top of all that.
4. Book your paternal/maternity leaves beforehand. Usually doctors let the HR know as soon as they have had the dating scan. You need a MAT B1 form for that which the midwife can explain about.
Coming home with the baby:
Documents
1. Get the birth certificate made ASAP - you may have to book an appointment for this in advance. Get extra copies ( at least 5). You will have to submit a copy to register with the GP, for visas, nurseries, schooling, etc. Some of these may require original copies. I booked an appointment on the 6th day of my baby's birth.
2. Once you get the birth certificate, get your baby registered with your GP. It is a good idea to do this on the day you get the birth certificates.
3. Remember, babies of parents who do not have British Citizenship/ do not have an ILR are not British Nationals by default. So get the documents for your baby made if you plan to travel with your baby outside the UK. For Pakistanis, it is NICOP and then passport (The baby must be present for both to take photos in certain consulates so please call the consulate you plan to go to beforehand).
Waking up at night.
This is the most difficult part!
3. Remember, babies of parents who do not have British Citizenship/ do not have an ILR are not British Nationals by default. So get the documents for your baby made if you plan to travel with your baby outside the UK. For Pakistanis, it is NICOP and then passport (The baby must be present for both to take photos in certain consulates so please call the consulate you plan to go to beforehand).
Waking up at night.
This is the most difficult part!
1. Newborn babies wake up every 2 hours initially for feeding. They drink around 2 ounces initially and this amount slowly increases ( thus the frequency of feeds reduce with time).
A rough estimate would be: Weeks 1-4: Every 2 hours, Weeks 4-8: the frequency improved to every 4 hours. However this varies a lot.
It is a good idea to get an electric breast pump. This helps the female parent sleep for long periods. However please note that the breast pump may be painful initially. Therefore it is a good idea to ask your midwife about the best time to start using it (some advise to use from 4 weeks onwards)
2. With feeding, comes the gastrocolic reflex! That is, when they feed, they poop (and pass urine). This can be difficult at night so it is a good idea to have a place with everything set. Place a dignity sheet on a sofa (if you do not have space for a changing table) and put the changing mat, a few diapers, cotton wool balls, wet wipes, sudocrem, soft tissues and an empty plastic jug on top of it. You have now prepared the " diaper changing area". So when your baby is crying at 3 AM , you can immediately bring him/her on to the changing mat, fill the jug with warm water and change the diaper in less than a minute.
3. Make sure you get your baby to burp! There are various techniques:
- As soon as you baby is fed, put him/her against your shoulder and sit upright (this is healthy for you as well as we are all used to arching our backs). Gently pat your babies back till you hear the sweetest sound you will be dying to hear (The sound of a burp). After this, your baby will sleep easily- usually in the same position.
- Another technique is to put your legs together and put your baby tummy down on your lap with the head and arms against the lateral borders of your thigh and the feet dangling down from the other thigh ( This depends on your thighs width though however I do not think it really matters as long as your babies tummy is against your thighs). This may be difficult initially but you could give it a try.
4. Babies have 6 reasons to cry:
- They want milk:
The breast pump can make life easier . You can express milk and store it in the fridge in the required amounts your baby feeds on in one go ( 2 to 3 ounces in the first month increasing to 7 to 8 ounces in the second month) . So all you have to do is heat the milk (in a bottle warmer- NOT the microwave) which takes around a minute and put a bib on the baby (They start associating the bib with milk and usually stop crying), get a flannel (to clean the baby when some milk is leaked) and feed him/her.
Total average crying period: one minute.
-They need a diaper change.
Poop and urine is irritating to the baby. It can also cause a rash if the diaper is not changed on time. Nowadays diapers have special lining on the outside which changes color when the baby has pooped/urinated. They usually have a dirty diaper as soon as they have finished feeding so you can change it right after the baby has been fed.
Average time to change a diaper: 30 seconds
A rough estimate would be: Weeks 1-4: Every 2 hours, Weeks 4-8: the frequency improved to every 4 hours. However this varies a lot.
It is a good idea to get an electric breast pump. This helps the female parent sleep for long periods. However please note that the breast pump may be painful initially. Therefore it is a good idea to ask your midwife about the best time to start using it (some advise to use from 4 weeks onwards)
2. With feeding, comes the gastrocolic reflex! That is, when they feed, they poop (and pass urine). This can be difficult at night so it is a good idea to have a place with everything set. Place a dignity sheet on a sofa (if you do not have space for a changing table) and put the changing mat, a few diapers, cotton wool balls, wet wipes, sudocrem, soft tissues and an empty plastic jug on top of it. You have now prepared the " diaper changing area". So when your baby is crying at 3 AM , you can immediately bring him/her on to the changing mat, fill the jug with warm water and change the diaper in less than a minute.
3. Make sure you get your baby to burp! There are various techniques:
- As soon as you baby is fed, put him/her against your shoulder and sit upright (this is healthy for you as well as we are all used to arching our backs). Gently pat your babies back till you hear the sweetest sound you will be dying to hear (The sound of a burp). After this, your baby will sleep easily- usually in the same position.
- Another technique is to put your legs together and put your baby tummy down on your lap with the head and arms against the lateral borders of your thigh and the feet dangling down from the other thigh ( This depends on your thighs width though however I do not think it really matters as long as your babies tummy is against your thighs). This may be difficult initially but you could give it a try.
4. Babies have 6 reasons to cry:
- They want milk:
The breast pump can make life easier . You can express milk and store it in the fridge in the required amounts your baby feeds on in one go ( 2 to 3 ounces in the first month increasing to 7 to 8 ounces in the second month) . So all you have to do is heat the milk (in a bottle warmer- NOT the microwave) which takes around a minute and put a bib on the baby (They start associating the bib with milk and usually stop crying), get a flannel (to clean the baby when some milk is leaked) and feed him/her.
Total average crying period: one minute.
-They need a diaper change.
Poop and urine is irritating to the baby. It can also cause a rash if the diaper is not changed on time. Nowadays diapers have special lining on the outside which changes color when the baby has pooped/urinated. They usually have a dirty diaper as soon as they have finished feeding so you can change it right after the baby has been fed.
Average time to change a diaper: 30 seconds
- They need to burp.
This is usually the 3rd step. So once the baby has been fed, the diaper has been changed, you can use either of the aforementioned techniques ( or other techniques by searching online and asking your midwife) to ensure that your baby has burped.
Average time: 10 to 15 minutes
- They have a colic.
This varies from baby to baby. You can try anticolic feeders and see if they help. I personally do not have much experience with this.
-They are too hot or too cold.
Make sure that the temperature of your house is set appropriately and your baby is clothed appropriately. Always keep warm clothes when going out.
-They are too sleepy.
The shoulder/ tummy time technique can help. Another useful technique is wrapping them up in a swaddler so that they do not wake up when you lie them in the cot.
As you can see, a single "shift" can take around 15 to 20 minutes. However this can be delayed if the baby is not attended to on time as if they do not get these aforementioned issues resolved immediately, they start to cry. And crying is the only way of a baby expressing him/herself in the first few months. The crying gets louder as time passes. However babies always start fidgeting and make noises before crying - so this is an important cue which can alert either parent to wake up and start working on the 3 (or 4) steps mentioned above. Unfortunately it is difficult to be alerted by simple fidgeting especially when you are in a deep sleep therefore the crying has usually begun by the time you get to the cot at night.
Setting a routine:
This is very important for a good nights rest for both parents.
These steps can help:
1. Keep baby in a well lit room during the day time. A play mat ( with adequate thickness) can be placed in the lounge near a window ( on the floor/carpet/rug) from where the baby can see outside.
2. Talking to the baby during the daytime. They recognize their parents voice from early days. Read to your baby regularly.
3. Doing all the loud house work ( like cooking, vacuuming, etc) during the day time.
4. Giving baby a bath at around 7 PM - everyday!
5. Put the baby in a dimly lit room and avoid loud noises.
6. Put the baby in a cot when it is time to sleep only during the night. The baby will start associating this with night time sleeping.
7. When the baby wakes up for milk/diaper changing, keep the room where you do this as dimly lit as possible.
8. Keep a night light in your room when the baby is asleep - so that you avoid switching on bright lights when the baby is crying and thus avoid waking up the (fortunate) partner who is asleep.
Giving a bath.
This is most scary part of this. You are constantly worried that the baby will slip/drown/ you will splash water and flood the floor.
There are plenty of YouTube videos and online guidance on this. However I found this technique very helpful:
Things you need:
1. 2 people - one to hold and soap the baby . The second one to pour water and cover the baby with a towel.
2. Baby bath
3. Plastic washing bowl
4. Baby washing liquid
5. A plastic jug
You can do this in your kitchen. Make sure the place is warm.
1. Fill a plastic washing up bowl with warm (not boiling or cold) water. Leave it in the sink
2. Place a plastic baby bath on a plastic/metal fold-able table
3. Change the baby's diaper before taking him/her to the bath- Make sure you have put a new diaper on (loosely) to avoid any accidents on the way.
4. Hold the baby on the bath with the left thigh in your non dominant hand and rest the body and head along the arm and forearm. Use the dominant hand to apply soap and clean.
5. The second person pours water from the bowl onto the baby which then falls into the bath.
6. Use a head to toe wash ( or anything you fancy) which is like liquid soap.
7. Start with the lower limbs and move your way up. This is how I do it:
- Legs, pelvic area: pour water, use wash liquid and then clean
- Thorax and one arm
- Turn baby around and then do the same with the back and the other arm
- Pour very small amounts of water and liquid wash on the head while the baby is turned around. Make sure that the water does not go into the baby's ears.
8.Then pour some more water to give a final clean.
You may have to put the baby in the bath to rest your arms but you can avoid this.
9. Put the towel around the baby, quickly dry the pelvic area and bring the baby to the changing mat. Put a diaper on as quickly as possible. Then put on the clothes.
10. Drain the bath in the bathroom if the baby has made a mess.
This description may look confusing and everyone has their own way.
The baby will usually want to feed as soon as you given a bath followed by a diaper change, getting him/her to burp before (s)he falls asleep.
Some people advise to give a bath thrice a week however I give a bath everyday.
This is usually the 3rd step. So once the baby has been fed, the diaper has been changed, you can use either of the aforementioned techniques ( or other techniques by searching online and asking your midwife) to ensure that your baby has burped.
Average time: 10 to 15 minutes
- They have a colic.
This varies from baby to baby. You can try anticolic feeders and see if they help. I personally do not have much experience with this.
-They are too hot or too cold.
Make sure that the temperature of your house is set appropriately and your baby is clothed appropriately. Always keep warm clothes when going out.
-They are too sleepy.
The shoulder/ tummy time technique can help. Another useful technique is wrapping them up in a swaddler so that they do not wake up when you lie them in the cot.
As you can see, a single "shift" can take around 15 to 20 minutes. However this can be delayed if the baby is not attended to on time as if they do not get these aforementioned issues resolved immediately, they start to cry. And crying is the only way of a baby expressing him/herself in the first few months. The crying gets louder as time passes. However babies always start fidgeting and make noises before crying - so this is an important cue which can alert either parent to wake up and start working on the 3 (or 4) steps mentioned above. Unfortunately it is difficult to be alerted by simple fidgeting especially when you are in a deep sleep therefore the crying has usually begun by the time you get to the cot at night.
Setting a routine:
This is very important for a good nights rest for both parents.
These steps can help:
1. Keep baby in a well lit room during the day time. A play mat ( with adequate thickness) can be placed in the lounge near a window ( on the floor/carpet/rug) from where the baby can see outside.
2. Talking to the baby during the daytime. They recognize their parents voice from early days. Read to your baby regularly.
3. Doing all the loud house work ( like cooking, vacuuming, etc) during the day time.
4. Giving baby a bath at around 7 PM - everyday!
5. Put the baby in a dimly lit room and avoid loud noises.
6. Put the baby in a cot when it is time to sleep only during the night. The baby will start associating this with night time sleeping.
7. When the baby wakes up for milk/diaper changing, keep the room where you do this as dimly lit as possible.
8. Keep a night light in your room when the baby is asleep - so that you avoid switching on bright lights when the baby is crying and thus avoid waking up the (fortunate) partner who is asleep.
Giving a bath.
This is most scary part of this. You are constantly worried that the baby will slip/drown/ you will splash water and flood the floor.
There are plenty of YouTube videos and online guidance on this. However I found this technique very helpful:
Things you need:
1. 2 people - one to hold and soap the baby . The second one to pour water and cover the baby with a towel.
2. Baby bath
3. Plastic washing bowl
4. Baby washing liquid
5. A plastic jug
You can do this in your kitchen. Make sure the place is warm.
1. Fill a plastic washing up bowl with warm (not boiling or cold) water. Leave it in the sink
2. Place a plastic baby bath on a plastic/metal fold-able table
3. Change the baby's diaper before taking him/her to the bath- Make sure you have put a new diaper on (loosely) to avoid any accidents on the way.
4. Hold the baby on the bath with the left thigh in your non dominant hand and rest the body and head along the arm and forearm. Use the dominant hand to apply soap and clean.
5. The second person pours water from the bowl onto the baby which then falls into the bath.
6. Use a head to toe wash ( or anything you fancy) which is like liquid soap.
7. Start with the lower limbs and move your way up. This is how I do it:
- Legs, pelvic area: pour water, use wash liquid and then clean
- Thorax and one arm
- Turn baby around and then do the same with the back and the other arm
- Pour very small amounts of water and liquid wash on the head while the baby is turned around. Make sure that the water does not go into the baby's ears.
8.Then pour some more water to give a final clean.
You may have to put the baby in the bath to rest your arms but you can avoid this.
9. Put the towel around the baby, quickly dry the pelvic area and bring the baby to the changing mat. Put a diaper on as quickly as possible. Then put on the clothes.
10. Drain the bath in the bathroom if the baby has made a mess.
This description may look confusing and everyone has their own way.
The baby will usually want to feed as soon as you given a bath followed by a diaper change, getting him/her to burp before (s)he falls asleep.
Some people advise to give a bath thrice a week however I give a bath everyday.
Going out on a walk.
I love going out and exploring the lovely outdoors. I can never sit at home on weekends. My wife and I also love watching the latest movies at the local cinema. However with a baby, this changed.
With a newborn, you feel a bit hesitant taking them out. What if a bee stings them? What if they catch the flu? There are a thousand worries. However you will realize that you are slowly killing yourself from inside if you stay indoors like this for a long period.
Some parents take their newborns out on the same day. I eventually got the courage to take mine out at 2 weeks- and this too, after nagging my wife to ask her midwife multiple times.
These are the things to you need to go out:
1. Snacks and water for the female parent - They have a higher calorie requirement when they are breast feeding.
2. A DSLR - If you have not bought one, it is the right time to invest in one. You will have so many memories. Phone cameras still cannot beat the quality of a DSLR.
3. Baby bag which has
- diapers
- wetwipes
- Baby changing mat
- Cotton wool balls
- Disposable diaper bags
- Sudocrem
- Soft tissues
- Milk (keep 2 bottles in case one of the parents gets too excited with the first outing and drops the bottle on the pavement). Keep them in an insulated bag and warm the milk slightly before going out (especially if it is refrigerated)
- Bib
- Flannels
- Spare exchange of clothes
4. Travel system - this depends on where you live. I live on the first floor so I put the baby in the baby cot and then carry her downstairs. I get the pram chassis out from the cars boot and attach the baby cot to the pram. Make sure you attach the cover to the carry cot if it is sunny ( and a rain cover if it is raining) as the baby's skin is very sensitive.
5. Picnic blanket
6. Extra shopping bags - Keep the environment clean and recycle shopping bags.
7. A baby carrier - There are plenty available here. This can help a lot especially if you have to for a short walk and do not need to carry the pram/carry cot, etc.
Places to visit on your first outing:
1. Your local botanical gardens - Especially on a nice sunny day. Grab some sandwiches from Marks and Spencer and walk down to your "local heaven". You can take loads of nice pictures. You will be near home so if there is any disaster, you can always come home in a few minutes
2. Local restaurants. Most restaurants allow babies however it is better to check with the restaurant first ( especially if it is a Michelin Restaurant).
I love going out and exploring the lovely outdoors. I can never sit at home on weekends. My wife and I also love watching the latest movies at the local cinema. However with a baby, this changed.
With a newborn, you feel a bit hesitant taking them out. What if a bee stings them? What if they catch the flu? There are a thousand worries. However you will realize that you are slowly killing yourself from inside if you stay indoors like this for a long period.
Some parents take their newborns out on the same day. I eventually got the courage to take mine out at 2 weeks- and this too, after nagging my wife to ask her midwife multiple times.
These are the things to you need to go out:
1. Snacks and water for the female parent - They have a higher calorie requirement when they are breast feeding.
2. A DSLR - If you have not bought one, it is the right time to invest in one. You will have so many memories. Phone cameras still cannot beat the quality of a DSLR.
3. Baby bag which has
- diapers
- wetwipes
- Baby changing mat
- Cotton wool balls
- Disposable diaper bags
- Sudocrem
- Soft tissues
- Milk (keep 2 bottles in case one of the parents gets too excited with the first outing and drops the bottle on the pavement). Keep them in an insulated bag and warm the milk slightly before going out (especially if it is refrigerated)
- Bib
- Flannels
- Spare exchange of clothes
4. Travel system - this depends on where you live. I live on the first floor so I put the baby in the baby cot and then carry her downstairs. I get the pram chassis out from the cars boot and attach the baby cot to the pram. Make sure you attach the cover to the carry cot if it is sunny ( and a rain cover if it is raining) as the baby's skin is very sensitive.
5. Picnic blanket
6. Extra shopping bags - Keep the environment clean and recycle shopping bags.
7. A baby carrier - There are plenty available here. This can help a lot especially if you have to for a short walk and do not need to carry the pram/carry cot, etc.
Places to visit on your first outing:
1. Your local botanical gardens - Especially on a nice sunny day. Grab some sandwiches from Marks and Spencer and walk down to your "local heaven". You can take loads of nice pictures. You will be near home so if there is any disaster, you can always come home in a few minutes
2. Local restaurants. Most restaurants allow babies however it is better to check with the restaurant first ( especially if it is a Michelin Restaurant).
Going out on a drive:
All of the above PLUS the car seat. This is part of a travel system and this can help immensely. When I take my baby for a drive, I carry her in the car seat to the car and then connect the seat to the seat base. I also take the carry cot with me as newborns may find it uncomfortable to sit in the car seat for long periods ( it is also risky).
When we reach our destination, I connect the carry cot to the pram chassis and put the baby in it.
Places to visit on your first drive:
1. Shopping malls. All malls ( and service stations) have baby changing areas. Some even have bottle warmers.
2. Mothercare - This is will be every parents place to visit, at least twice every month.
3. Exploring nearby tourist spots like gardens, museums, etc.
After one or 2 outings, you will easily be able to handle everything. It may seem daunting initially but you will get used to it. My advice would be to ask your midwife and go out ASAP especially if it is spring. Slowly you will be back to your usual "explorer" self and will have loads of fun.
Getting used to the " new routine"
Initially, this will feel like a lot of work. But slowly you will get used to it. For example, if the baby wants to burp, is crying and you have to study, try the tummy time technique. One of your hands will be free and you can easily study.
If you are crazy like me and like cleaning your house every second day, you will have to get used to the fact that you cannot vacuum in the daytime when the baby is asleep. But with time, you will learn that when the baby is awake and is busy with the other partner, you can quickly do this.
You will feel that time passes really quickly. You will feel tired but it gets better as time passes.
Planning is very important, a third person who has been through this before can make a huge difference- from teaching the new mother on how to give a bath to assuring the father that he will not drop the baby. Eventually the help will leave but by then you will be well settled in your routine.
Feeding:
This is a very controversial topic. Some people start weaning off breast feeding in 6 months, some start with formula feed from day one. You should do whatever you feel comfortable with.
The best way to wean off is to do is very gradually - for example if your baby has 5 bottles of breast milk per day, then start with 1 bottle of formula feed and continue with 4 bottles of breast feed. Do this for a week and then introduce 2 bottles of formula feed and so on.
Please do not be pressurized by anyone to breast feed. You are your own boss and no one can force you! So do whatever you are comfortable with.
The best formula feed we used is:
https://www.hipp.co.uk/formula-milks/formula-milk-products/first-infant-milk/
We use the powder version.
We use this to make the feed:
https://www.mothercare.com/accessories/tommee-tippee-closer-to-nature-perfect-prep-machine/LD2600.html
Our baby did really well on formula feed and we are supported by the midwives and our GP.
We introduced mashed feeding at 6 months - this what we did:
Morning meal - Rice cereal or porridge
https://www.boots.com/baby-child/babyfeeding/baby-food-weaning/cereals#We only tried the boots products.
Mid day and night meals (with water in a bottle):
Mashed potatoes, peas or carrots. A few recipes are mentioned in this book:
https://www.boots.com/ellas-kitchen-mini-edition-first-foods-book-10200705
We supplemented this with bottle feeding as well.
Socializing:
My wife found this very interesting article which is a must read for IMG parents:https://www.mother.ly/life/in-the-absence-of-the-village-mothers-struggle-most?
As your baby grows older, you will want him/her to meet other young kids. We found some excellent places after talking to the health visitors:
1. Church groups - You do not need to be a Christian to go to such groups. They allow all ethnic groups and the people are extremely friendly and nice. My daughter goes there at least twice a week.
2. Local play groups. The health visitors have a lot of knowledge about other play groups which are held in local schools and community centers. Some are paid however most of them are free of charge.
Even if they are free, it is common courtesy to donate a small amount of money once a month to whatever free group you attend ( there is always an option and you can talk to the organizers - especially church groups).
You can also search for baby play groups in your area on Google. There is always one running once or twice a week in the local library as well.
My wife and I notice a marked change in our baby's social skills and development when we started taking her to the groups. Now she goes to three groups a week. My wife has made some amazing friends who give excellent advice.
I hope this guideline helps new parents. My baby is just 14 months old and I will keep adding stuff as time passes.
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